Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
