I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
