i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
