9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
