I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
