8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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