I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
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Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
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How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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