You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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