she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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