wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
