Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
