We're facebook friends in real life
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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