If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
ok first of all what the fuck
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
