she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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