Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
