Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my being single is dangerous.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
