I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
