Reggie can tackle my bush.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
