you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
