It's Friday. Sex?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
