Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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