i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
