Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Randomize
