you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
This house was built for laser tag.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
