At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
