Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
