i think i have herpe
just one?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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