my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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