I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
