Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
