He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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