I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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