It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
