i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
