She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
