Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
