She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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