This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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