sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
