God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
