You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
