Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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