I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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