Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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