I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I came so hard my ears popped.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
