I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
