Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
