Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
you made out with another girl for some wings
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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