I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
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you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
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Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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