Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I fill condoms, not promises.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
