you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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