my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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