youre lurking in front of me
how can u be prego again
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
