Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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