I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Bring me that man meat
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
did i just pee glitter
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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