Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
