farters have to be the big spoon...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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