I queefed so loud it echoed.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
