i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
