Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
