Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
