do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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