i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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