pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
