u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
