I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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