i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I am naked and annoyed.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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