Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
